Death & Regret

It’s always fascinating to watch the reaction to someone’s death.

The instant news of a person’s demise hits, Social Media is flooded with tribute posts. Everyone writes long paragraphs professing how much they loved the person, how talented they were, and how sorely they’ll be missed. There are even cases of people becoming famous after they die. An artist might live their whole life in obscurity, and as soon as they pass, everyone rushes to check out their work.

Why do we wait till people die to show love? I think there’s a few reasons.

1] Death is permanent – When someone dies, they’re gone forever. You can’t ever interact with them again. You feel so much grief because you know you should’ve treated them better or told them you loved them. You took them for granted, and now you realize what you lost. As the saying goes, “You don’t know what you have till it’s gone.” The finality of death makes you fully appreciate someone. 

If the deceased person is an artist, the news of their death will give them massive publicity. Their art will be viewed in a new light, and a piece of their spirit will live on for eternity.

2] They’re no longer competition – Nothing’s more difficult than surviving in society. Finding a good job/spouse can feel like Mission Impossible. The daily stress we’re under unconsciously makes us view everyone as competition. If someone’s better-looking or more intelligent than you, they could steal an opportunity. It’s normal to be jealous of people while they’re alive and then genuinely sad once they pass away.

Sometimes you can only see a person’s positive traits when they no longer threaten your own advancement

---

The worst part of someone’s death is the regret of things unsaid.

We generally think we have all the time to tell people what they mean to us. We have no sense of urgency. Our mindset is, “We’ll get around to telling them eventually.” Tomorrow isn’t promised, though, and death is random. Some people die of natural causes at an old age, and some die young to tragedy. How often do you hear about a fatal car crash or an unexpected cancer diagnosis? The Grim Reaper has never collected unemployment, and the only thing we know for certain is that he’s coming. We just don’t know when.

I think we procrastinate telling people we love them because it’s a hard conversation to have. You may have had a rocky relationship, and you’re not used to being emotional with them. Deep down, you know you should tell them, but you can’t get the words out of your mouth. It’s so important that you do, though.

Find the courage and make sure your loved ones know they’re loved. You never know when their time’s up. Set aside petty matters and express your true feelings. Not only will you make their day, you’ll feel good, too. Because you said what needed to be said. 

You’ll still have tears when they pass away, but at least now they won’t be ones of regret.

“Once you die, everything about you will seem different. You will be surrounded by an instant auroa of respect. People will remember their criticisms of you, their arguments with you, and will be filled with regret and guilt. They are missing a prescense that will never return”

Robert Greene