Death & Regret

There’s nothing more fascinating than the reaction to someone’s death.

The instant news of a person’s demise hits, social media is flooded with tribute posts. Everyone writes long paragraphs about how much they loved the person, how talented they were, and how deeply they’ll be missed. There are even cases of people becoming famous after they die. An artist might live their whole life in obscurity, and as soon as they pass away, everyone rushes to check out their work.

Why do we wait till people die to show love? There are a few reasons.

1] Death is permanent – When someone dies, they’re gone forever. You can’t interact with them again. There’s so much grief because you realize you should’ve treated them better or told them you loved them. You took them for granted and now understand what you lost. As the saying goes, “You don’t know what you have till it’s gone.” The finality of death forces you to fully appreciate someone.

If the deceased person is an artist, news of their death will generate massive publicity. People who never paid attention to their work while they were alive suddenly rush to check it out.

2] They’re no longer competition – Nothing is more difficult than surviving in society. Finding a good job or relationship can feel impossible at times. The daily stress we live under unconsciously makes us view other people as competition. If someone is better-looking or more talented than you, it can feel like they have an advantage in life. It’s normal to feel jealous of people while they’re alive and then genuinely sad once they pass away.

Sometimes you can only see a person’s positive traits when they no longer threaten your own advancement.

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The worst part of someone’s death is the regret of things unsaid.

We generally think we have all the time in the world to tell people what they mean to us. We have no sense of urgency. Our mindset is, “We’ll get around to telling them eventually.” Tomorrow isn’t promised, though, and death is random. Some people die of natural causes at an old age, and some die young from tragedy. How often do you hear about a fatal car crash or an unexpected cancer diagnosis? The Grim Reaper has never collected unemployment, and the only thing we know for certain is that he’s coming. We just don’t know when.

We procrastinate telling people we love them because it’s a hard conversation to have. You may have had a rocky relationship, and you’re not used to being emotional with them. Deep down, you know you should tell them, but you can’t get the words out of your mouth. It’s so important that you do, though.

Find the courage and make sure your loved ones know they’re loved. You never know when their time’s up. Set aside petty matters and express your true feelings. Not only will you make their day, but you’ll feel good, too. Because you said what needed to be said. 

You’ll still have tears when they pass away, but at least now they won’t be ones of regret.

“Once you die, everything about you will seem different. You will be surrounded by an instant aura of respect. People will remember their criticisms of you, their arguments with you, and will be filled with regret and guilt. They are missing a presence that will never return”

Robert Greene