Romance At The Office

Let’s face the facts. At one point or another, we’ve all had a crush on someone at work. Whether it’s big butt Brenda or 6’4 Chad, who’s rumored to have a paid-off house and a 740 Credit Score. Chances are you’ve developed feelings or had a fling with someone in your professional life.

There’s a saying that one of my bosses once told me. Daniel, “You never stick your pen in company ink,” which was his way of saying you never flirt, date, or have sex with anyone who works at the same company. The reason for this? Office affairs rarely have a good ending. Work wifes/husbands are a common occurrence. Most companies will fill their offices with the best looking and most charismatic people they can find. There’s a 99.9% chance that somewhere in the building you work, you’re going to find another person you’re attracted to.

That person might be working with you in your department or somewhere else in the office/building. You run into them at work or see them from a distance, and they immediately stand out to you. Soon after that, you start thinking of them – keeping all your thoughts to yourself, or maybe you share your new crush with your favorite co-worker.

Eventually, you run into them by chance or force an encounter to introduce yourself.

One thing leads to another, and you start developing a relationship with them. You might begin by meeting up for lunch, and from there, it progresses to dating or sex.

You might not notice it because you’re so engulfed with your new infatuation, but everyone in the office sees exactly what’s going on between you and your new “friend.” You both start taking your lunch at the same time, someone in the office catches you two hanging out outside of work, or any other deviation from your normal behavior that stands out to your co-workers.

Since work is mundane for most people, it’s thrilling for them to have something new to gossip about and break the monotony of everyday life. People start spreading rumors around the office that the two of you are having sex, since that’s the first assumption people make when they see a guy and girl hanging out together. They end up dramatizing the situation out of excitement or envy.

You can never be sure how others in the office are interpreting the relationship between you and your crush. Your best office buddy might be genuinely happy for you, but another co-worker who hasn’t been asked out on a date in years might see you happy and scorch with anger inside. Maybe your boss secretly had a crush on the person you’re with, and now their main goal is finding a way to get you fired – because they’re jealous.

The workplace is a social environment that’s filled with gossip, so you would be naive to think you can keep your affair a secret. The minute there’s even a hint of something going on, the chatter will begin.

Everything might start off fine and dandy between you and your lover, but at some point, something inevitably will go wrong, and the affair will end. One person falls out of love. Someone had a spouse and kids they were hiding. One party was under the impression you were heading towards a relationship, while the other just wanted sex. What once seemed so promising has now come to an end, and emotions are everywhere. Suddenly, the person you were happy to see every day becomes public enemy number one.

When relationships end, most of the time, one person leaves bitter. However, when a relationship ends, you usually stop seeing each other, or, in the worst case, much less frequently. For the most part, you no longer have to deal with them. 

It’s different when you have an affair with someone at work, though. That person you’re no longer involved with works at the same place as you, and you have no choice but to see them every day. Since you’re hurt, you begin avoiding them, and it becomes difficult for you to work with them if you’re both in the same department. It becomes very awkward – very fast.

Make no mistake, while all this is happening, everyone at work is enjoying the free entertainment you’ve provided them. If you’re a guy, you may get props for nailing a hot chick at work, but due to the double standard in society, if you’re a female, you’ll be known as the girl who gets around the office. The higher-ups also now know both of you can’t be trusted with positions of power since you couldn’t control your sexual urges.

I’m sure there’s plenty of success stories about people who met their spouse at work, but they’re few and far between. More often than not, it will go from a moment of excitement to hurt and embarrassment.

I’ve learned it’s a good idea to look at your attractive co-workers the same way you would animals at the zoo, and only look at them and not touch. Enjoy their unique attributes, humor, and presence, but understand that, at the end of the day, the only reason you’re at work is to complete the duties assigned to you by your employer. 

If there’s someone at work you have feelings for, the best thing to do would be to wait until one of you isn’t working there before making a move. If you make your intentions known before that, you’re opening Pandora’s Box. If your advance is wanted, your fling probably won’t last long and will end in disaster. If your advance is unwanted, it could be seen as sexual harassment. Either way, nothing good is likely to come from it.

Do yourself a favor and leave the romance out of the office. The only affair you should be having is with the work you need to complete during business hours. Don’t stop by big boobie Susie’s desk when you’re supposed to be finishing up that report, and there’s no reason you should be hanging out with good looking Greg when you should be calling back that client to close the deal.

Stay focused and get back to work.

“Working with persons of the opposite sex may bring mutual distrust and dislike; there is no great peril in that. But working together may bring respect, mutual confidence, and comradeship. So far, so good. Such friendships may be holy and beautiful on a brother-sister basis. But a certain reserve and distance must be preserved at all costs, and will be by men and women of disciplined character. Friendship can become affection, affection love, love lust, and the progress be shock to both. That which was begun innocently may end disastrously.”

Quote from Richard S. Taylor’s book The Disciplined Life: The Mark of Christian Maturity.